As long as I’ve dreamed of having children, I thought about what it would be like to teach them about the world. When they were babies, it was things like peek-a-boo, their first words, colors, and such. Those milestones were so thrilling that it never occurred to me that being a parent would keep getting better.

But it has.

In the last few years, my boys have officially moved into Big Kid status, and now that they are 8 and 11, parenting is a whole new experience. Now I can teach them important things. Here are a few of our recent life lessons imparted to them by their wise and witty parents that certainly will help them get ahead:

Golf is Great

I love golf, and I hadn’t done it for more than 10 years- before I was pregnant with my oldest son. My husband and I often played together and took several golf trips. I wasn’t great, but I played enough to have fun. I always hoped to have a family foursome someday, and that became a reality this summer. My kids attended two weeks of golf camp at the Chicago School of Golf (shout out to instructors Jamie and Henry at Robert Black Golf Course!), and they loved it. The boys and I did a three-person scramble together, and my husband and I went out for 9 holes on a recent Sunday afternoon while the kids were at a birthday party.

It’s a pleasure to teach them the subtle etiquette points like putting your clubs on the way to the next hole, being polite and quiet when people are hitting, and enjoying a round of drinks – in our case, Gatorade – while adding your scores up and recapping the round at the clubhouse. The camaraderie that they can use for a lifetime. My dad and mom golfed together with their own friend groups for years, and Mom still goes out for a weekly scramble. It’s delightful to talk about putting and club selection with my boys, and I look forward to many more years with them on the links.

Stupid/Funny Humor is the Best Kind

My husband and I have tag-teamed this one. After we golfed one day, I guessed the boys might enjoy the timeless sports classic Happy Gilmore. There were a few scantily-clad ladies and some beer drinking, but overall it was mild-mannered and as silly as I remembered. GO TO YOUR HOME, Happy yells at the golf ball. We all laughed; we could relate. Adam Sandler’s Happy is a sweet, goofy guy who just wants to collect literal big checks and save his grandma’s house while putting with a hockey stick-shaped club, besting the obnoxious PGA pro protagonist Shooter McGavin, and getting the girl in the bargain. A golf film classic, and it’s worth a watch just for the 80s clothing alone: Pleated khakis and feather hair, anyone?

The following week my husband had the idea that the boys might enjoy The Three Stooges. I have to admit, I was skeptical. Would they understand these films – in black and white and now nearly a century old – and would the literal slapstick translate to these digital natives?

I need not have worried.

They were hooked from the first shovel to the head and subsequent pratfall. Peals of laughter from all three of my boys, old and young, rang out in front of the TV. A few old-fashioned things required explanation - Phones with cords, hairpieces, leather football helmets – but Larry, Curly, and Moe (and later on, Shemp) did not disappoint. I found myself giggling along with the boys as the Stooges tumbled their way through life, somehow landing on their feet and running off into the sunset together, giant, floppy pants held up miraculously by rope.

Spicy Foods are Awesome

This might be a hot take – pun intended – but when I was growing up, my family kept a giant container of pepperoncini peppers in our refrigerator. My whole family would pluck a few of these pale green beauties out for after-school or work snacks, and sometimes you’d get a particularly killer one. So good. My mouth waters just a little bit even now writing about it. My Dad’s chili was held in high regard and a touch of fear, even, for its impact on those not accustomed to its heat level. When I met my father-in-law, he and I bonded over our love of the hot stuff, a penchant that his family (including my husband) could not comprehend.

Now my own table is set consistently with the standard set of seasonings for a heat addict: Salt, pepper, red pepper flakes, Tajín chili lime, and ghost pepper salt. I’ve recently added Momofuku Chili Crunch to my list of favorite condiments. I keep a consistent stock of jalapeños and pepperoncini in the fridge for snacking and adding to anything lacking flavor. My oldest son is adventurous, and he’s started asking to sample these spicy options. He takes a flake of ghost pepper salt on his finger, milk in his other hand just in case, and tentatively touches it to his tongue. His eyes open wide, but he does not drink the milk. He smiles, sticks his tongue out for comic effect, and laughs. After a moment, he asks, “Can I have another one?”

My work here is done.

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This essay also appeared in the August 2022 issue of FLM - Fete Lifestyle Magazine.